Roller Coaster

One word I had heard to describe adoption is a roller coaster.  I couldn’t relate much to that as I felt it was more about patience…and that I at times didn’t have a great deal of it.  Now I realize we had just been on the anticipatory climb.  Monday we reached the top and yesterday we took the drop.

Monday we did get called stating we had been selected by a mother.  I was left speechless after that call and choked backed tears.  You never know when it can come and you try to reserve yourself until you know the details. This was a long day without any questions.  I think we both went between excitement and nervousness.  We got the information on the mother on Tuesday morning.  We reviewed the information and unfortunately had some questions and concerns.  This was so much harder than I could have ever imagined.  We had basically 24 hours to make a decision.

I cannot go into any great detail on any case.   This is for respect of all parties involved.  At some point there will be a lady that gives up her baby for us and it will be my child’s story to tell and not mine.  I have to respect confidentiality.  What I can say at this time is… we declined the placement.  There were just some things we were not comfortable with.  It was truly heartbreaking.  I think it is safe to say that Critt and I were both upset but had to find laughter in our situation.  There will be another chance and we have to go with what feels right for our family.

I thought it was just best to post to my blog as I don’t want to answer a bunch of emails.  I have talked to my family but really don’t want to discuss much going on into today.  One door opens and another one closes. I am ready to close this one and move on down the hall to hopefully the right one.  Pray for us….that we find the strength and courage to stay on this roller coaster ride.  We can’t jump off because one o f the drops scarred us.

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go,” –T.S Eillot

Love,

J